resa is gone
09.09.04 (2:02 pm) [edit]- ive been :( for so long that i dont think i can remember how to be otherwise, ive written quite a bit of poetry, but im not too happy about it, it doesnt please me, not like some of my others, whats wrong with me, i think ive lost my inpiration my will to be me, its gone all gone, now im just dull and boring, i cant find the will to be me :evil: this use to be me now :?: this is how i feel, :cry: :oops: :x :shock: 8) :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: wow, i see things in a perpective that ive never had before, no meaning to life no meaning to be me, to be authentic, no meaning to anything, im not depressed so what the fuck is wrong with me, maybe im just bitching too much maybe i should just sit down and die, maybe its just all over, resa is over gone and now i am once again the girl with the name i was cursed with, the name that has scared me, im just what i was forsaken to be, just another name, just another tittle, just another nothing, it all goes back to nothing the nothingness inside, why must i be this, this that i have despised for so long, nothing do defferentiate nothing at all the sorrow swallows me now and the darkness takes over, a darkness that frightens even me, even the innerworkings of my own mind, if it still remains as it once was. goodbye i say to her, goodbye i wish to one day meet you once more, but the real question is will i then remember you, will i still love you
not in any mood
07.29.04 (1:52 pm) [edit]sorry, that i havent been writing anithyng, i just cant find the will to do so, i dont feel like doing anithyng lately
not in any mood
07.29.04 (1:52 pm) [edit]sorry, that i havent been writing anithyng, i just cant find the will to do so, i dont feel like doing anithyng lately
vamp in love
06.23.04 (1:20 pm) [edit]in the garden of eden,
you are the most beutiful flower
you are precious and priceless
a treasure
i would like to pleasure
you are a beuty i wish to caress
from your beutiful thighs
to your tender breast
you could light up the night
with a single smile
that will be seen shining all the way for a mile
if you were eve, than id be the apple
'cause your lips would be on me
than if you were juliet
id be the nurse
'cause you would always come to me to converse
your skin feels like silk
you make me strong like milk
my days of misery are over
you are my four leaf clover
[b]i love you[/b]
you are a sin, id be more than happy to commit
there happy, im not always a depressing suicidle person
the end of "man"kind
06.21.04 (1:29 pm) [edit]i was talking to my friend about how upset my ex made me, and we started to talk about how there was really no need for men, well, she's a lesbian, so she really has no need for men, so we started to talk about how she should wipe out all men,
this was the idea i came up with:
we should make a biological bomb, that will only trigger males, through a hormone, like testoterone, the way that viruses do.
for all you idiots= viruses only trigger specific organisms or cell, so we can create a viral type poison that will trigger the male hormone but not the female.
first, though, we should get one man of each natinality, that are healthy and capable of having children, then we could get 200 of the cutest guys in the world, we lock them up in a containment that will not allow the poison to enter. once all of the men are dead, we take the spern from all of the remaining men, and fertilize all of the women in the world.
finally a new generation will arise, in which women are the dominant gender, and history will be altered to make all of the most important people in the world humans, like martin lither king would be martina
real vampires
06.10.04 (10:49 am) [edit]Red blood cells contain iron, and too much iron is toxic. Over time, excessive iron leads to a condition known as hemochromatosis. You don't have to drink blood to get hemochroma-tosis. Most hemochromatosis sufferers have a genetic flaw that makes it hard for them to metabolize iron--it has nothing to do with their diet. But whatever the cause, hemochromatosis victims suffer from numerous health problems, including insulin-dependent diabetes.
Today, diabetes is treated with insulin, a natural hormone. Insulin allows the body to metabolize carbohydrates, allowing the patient to live a normal life. But a century ago, no effective treatment existed.
A century ago, diabetics died. Unable to convert carbohydrates to energy, the untreated diabetic slowly wasted away. Not a pretty way to go! The more I read, the more eerie--and familiar--the symptoms sounded:
• Severe weight loss
• Pale, clammy skin
• Elongation of the teeth (from receding gums)
• Ravenous hunger and extreme thirst
• A sweet, rotten odor
• Loss of hair
• Sensitivity to bright light and strong odors
• Confused, angry, aggressive behavior
• Coma
• Death.
I imagined what it might have been like in, say, eastern Europe in the Middle Ages...
A man is slowly dying of diabetes. As the disease destroys his body, he grows thin and deathly pale. His hair falls out. His teeth get longer, and his lips are red with blood from his bleeding gums. His behavior is erratic and deranged. He demands tremendous amounts of food and drink. Sunlight hurts his eyes. He is repelled by the strong odor of garlic. Eventually he falls into a coma. The village priest pronounces him dead, but a few hours later the man opens his eyes and climbs out of his coffin, confused and famished....
A stake through the heart might seem like a good idea to the frightened villagers. What if the vampire legends had their roots in the tragic demise of untreated diabetics? Right there I had my idea for a new type of vampire story.
my life, boring
05.27.04 (1:41 pm) [edit]today is really boring, my family is going off to San Jose, and Modesto, for a couple of hours. my mom wanted me to come with them, but i said i had important things to do. i really have nothing important in mind, but i didn't feel like going. i think i distance myself from my family, i avoid them at any chance i get. i really don't like them i know that for sure. but for as long as i can remember i always find excuses to not be around them. i like to go to San Jose, but the thought of being in a car with them for that long just irritates me.
i feel that maybe they're hust by the fact that i never want to be around them, so why is it that i dont care. my family pisses me off, i hate going out with them, so i pretended that i had carsickness, so now they don't make me go places with them. thats a good thing, but they still try to make me go out to places.
i dont think my parents would like it much if they new how much i didnt liek being with them.
Foolish Human
05.26.04 (4:01 pm) [edit]Midnight predator
how I desire you’re bliss
wont you come and give me you’re kiss
by day you sleep
in a grave that’s quite deep
by night you hunt and kill
before your victims can make a will
you move at night
like a hawk in flight
wont you come and take me tonight
Midnight predator
my back demonic knight
come, tonight is our night
wont you come and take a bite
oh here you are
I knew you weren’t far
oh come to me
help me die blissfully
yes, now take me
(and then she screams)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Cold Blooded Killer
05.26.04 (4:00 pm) [edit]I hunt, I kill
with no regard of my victims
or how they feel
while I make them my meal
I drink their blood
I feel their warmth
my teeth piercing their skin
is the last sensation they feel
I have no reflection
no protection from the sun
I shriek under crucifixes
and turn to dust with steaks
I live forever
will never age
I’m dark inside
pale outside
my heart is stone
my soul is in the unknown
I’m not a thing of love
or good
and never will I change
Dracula is a fake fuck
if you believe I am as him
then you’ve got a pretty fucked awakening coming
goodbye my prey, to sleep you go
thought I’d tell you about me
before you’re dead
foolish woman
His touch
05.22.04 (3:35 pm) [edit]His touch sends a chilling sensation through me,
as I receive his tender kiss.
His canine teeth,
sharper than knives,
rip my skin.
But I feel no pain
for I am hypnotized under his sensual spell.
One hand around my waist
the other gripping my head back to expose the arterie at my neck.
His knives deep inside of me,
yet all that runs through my mind is the knowledge that soon I will be as he, (pure evil)
and god how I fuckin want it.
The life he drains from me
flows through him
warming him with every drop.
I still have seconds of strength to push away
but I dare not for I desire his murderous kiss,
and the pain is all too tempting.
Now I will drift into a sleep
but soon I will be reborn
as a soulless night creature
drawn by the pure red liquid of life.
poem: Cursed to kill
05.17.04 (5:59 pm) [edit]he crawls into my bedroom like a slithering snake
he's hungry.
i hide in my closet but he catches my scent
he tears the door from its hinges
as easily as tearing paper
i see him
fangs exposed
face filled with demonic wrinkles
he is one of the undead
and i am his pray
he reaches in
and pulls me out with little effort
although i am giving all of mine
before i can fully react
i am against the wall
i gasp for air so i may scream
but it is too late
no one will hear me
so i surrender under his power
and wait to receive my fate
he pins me to the wall
then jerks my head to the side
his action sends me through a dizzy spell
finally he goes in for a bite
i feel as his fangs pierce my skin
and as my blood flows onto his lips
i shake under him
and he feels it
takes pleasure from it
i weaken
my knees refuse to support me
i start to fall but he embraces me tighter
finally the dizziness takes over
and the last that i see is him looking at me
as if, for the first time, truly seeing its dinner
finally my eyes close
as if a ton weighed them down
i feel a warm, sweet liquid touch my lips
and enter into my mouth
when i finally wake
i am on my bedroom floor
alone
but suddenly i hear a noise downstairs
its my sister, back from her outing
she calls out " is anyone home!"
i want to tell her i'm here
but then the hunger takes over
guess I’d better go
catch my dinner!
Creatures
05.14.04 (1:56 pm) [edit]the first screams I hear are of my mother,
frightening shrieks breaking the silence
then it starts, a storm of howls and horror
i go downstairs
expecting a gruesome sight
but what i see is much worse
there are four of them
all dressed in black
i witness as my family is torn apart
by their bare claws and teeth
i hear my sister moan
of pain with her last breathe
i search for my mom
but can only see red
finally, though,
i see her
or what is left of her
she is under one of them
being torn to pieces
while he feed of her
i try to aid her
but then i feel him
he grabs me tight from behind,
guess i didn't see him hiding.
My fantasy wedding
05.14.04 (1:55 pm) [edit]My friends say i'm pretty weird; I do weird things it true.
I also think of weird things.
See someone was talking about how they wanted their wedding to be, it was the usual; really cute guy, nice church, and big expensive ceremony. Well I’m really tired of that; I mean it's so unoriginal.
So I said this:
I want to get married to a woman (I’m a woman, but I’m bisexual (for all you idiots out there: it means that I’m attracted to both genders).
They were I bit weirded out, but they already knew I was bye, so didn't trip.
Then I said:
In my wedding I’m going to be dressed all in black, and my bride in white.
Then my bride’s maids are going to also wear black, but it would be this whole punk Goth kind of dress. With chains, collars, and fishnets. After my wedding I want to go to a strip bar, with women stripper, maybe some men. Finally for my honeymoon I want to go to Europe, (that’s normal). I don't see any point in doing the usual thing. That’s boring.
Oh yeah and I’m inviting all of my friends, they’re going to be the bride’s maids. Then the best man, (actually it will be a woman) will be dressed in a punked out tuxedo. I’m mot sure if they’ll let me in a church that way, but oh well fuck them.
Oh yeah, and on my honeymoon, I want to do it with all of these snakes around, because I love snakes.
Maybe we could do this hole dominatrix thing, where she’s my sex slave, and I get to spank her.
dedicated to my teacher, and every teacher that has ever made teenagers high school life a total mis
05.13.04 (5:15 pm) [edit][b]i'll paint you a fuckin portrait[/b]
[u]imagine this:[/u]
[i]i am a vampire, a creature of the night.
with supernatural strength and a taste for human blood.[/i]
okay we got that down.
now here's what i want to do-
i want to rip your stomach open and
see how gutsy you truly are,
i want to bash your skull in and
let your brains spewk out,
i want to taunt you for a while
by fucking up your artwork
you think you are so fuckin smart and talented,
well i can do shit too
i can twist your fuckin head off,
i can tare your beating heart out,
i can even make a portrait
using your fuckin blood
but i wont, don’t worry
i want to see you suffer
for every time you told me
i wouldn't amount to anything
i would, and could
do so much shit to you
but oh well i'll let you bleed to death,
for not even i,
a soulless bitch
would drink your fuckin blood.
[b]To: a jerk[/b]
i was upset at my art teacher when i wrote this. he thinks he's so much better than everyone else.
it would be kind of cool to be a vampire.
drepressing poem
05.11.04 (6:53 pm) [edit][b][u]ignored[/u][/b]
she sits in her bedroom
the TV on and the stereo put high
her eyes are wide open
while she sits, back to the wall, on her bed
her mom passes by
and bangs on the door
"turn down that music" she yells
then goes away
her sister passes by and yells a hello
leaving without receiving a response
her brother's run by her door
making a big racket
but don't try to come in to take a look
her mother finally gets pissed,
throws her door open,
then turns off the radio and TV
and tells her to sleep
never once glancing at her
the house grows quiet
yet she still lays there on her bed
her eyes staring at nothing
the next day comes by
her mother knocks at her door
and tells her she's late for school
but she still does not move
the principal calls her house
asking where she's at
her mother, upset now,
tells her she's grounded, from the other side of the door
a week passes by
yet at school, she never appears
the school calls the police
they go check out her house
as they near the door
they catch a decayed stench
they guess it's probably a dead animal
so they proceed
they finally enter her bedroom
where she sits with her back on the wall
staring- still into nothing,
atop a puddle of red
************************* ********
investigators conclude-
[b]SHE'S BEEN DEAD FOR A WEEK.[/b]
my miserable life
05.11.04 (6:50 pm) [edit]I hate my sister
Every day she finds a new way to make me miserable.
I liked this guy named Miller. She told him that I liked him, and he supposedly said he liked me. Well, I believed her and I was really happy. Everyday I woke up with a smile, and I loved talking to him, and I thought he was a pretty cool guy. We got together and everything was great. A while later I found out that he was cheating on me, so I dumped him. It hurt a lot but I didn't trip about it.
I went to the park a while after I broke up with him, there he was with his girlfriend, and as soon as he saw me, he started a makeout fest with her. She was hell of ugly; he had only gotten with her to get some because everyone said she was easy. But still it hurt, and still I didn't feel too bad.
Well, he broke up with his girlfriend afterwards, then he did the worst thing ever. He started to get at my sister. Then, finally, he asked her out, yesterday. The fucked up thing is, that she would flirt back, but she had a boyfriend. Then she would rub it in my face telling me things like "oh, I was touching up on his belly" and "we hung out all day, you know if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I would probably go out with him." what a bitch. I’m so pissed off at her; I mean how is she supposed to do that to me. Even when we were together she would tell me that he had asked her out last year.
I fucken hate her. She always finds a way to make me miserable. Now i’m pissed, and I'm going back into some bad habits that I was trying to get rid of.
I sure hope I don’t do something stupid.
first time......painful?
05.11.04 (6:49 pm) [edit]i've heard that the first time always hurts... at least for women....
maybe i should do it with a guy that had a small dick, so it won’t hurt too much.......does it really hurt?
my fantasy
05.11.04 (6:48 pm) [edit]my fantasy is to have sex in the pouring rain; his/her body warming mines, water dripping from our faces and bodies. our clothes soaked, if we still have them on. and the sound of beautiful thunder cracking the midnight sky, as the rain thuds when it reaches the floor.
************************* *
or at least i would like it in the shower.
Being a virgin
05.11.04 (6:47 pm) [edit]someone told me that
the first time is the best because it is special
so virgins are the way to go
she said that since it's their first time they want to make it the best time so it's
romantic
sweet
and pleasurable
the first time is sacred ofcoarse
************************* ***************
I’m a virgin
and want to loose it in a special way,
not just meet a guy and screw him in the back of his old raggedy car.
i think i want my first to also be a virgin, so it would be the first time for both of us. or would it be better with a non-virgin, because he'll know what he is doing.
i've just herd something interestng, i wonder if it's true?
05.11.04 (5:34 pm) [edit][b]When it comes to sex:[/b]
[u]white[/u] people like big dicks because the bigger it is the harder you scream
[u]Black[/u] people like it slow and rough
[u]Mexicans[/u] like it fast and hard
[u]Asians[/u] like it dirty with a lot of licking involved.
[b]im mexican but i dont know how i like it, im a virgin.[/b]
[u][b]look at my poem below[/b][/u]
im really upset right now here's my first poem, i wrote it yesterday
05.11.04 (12:48 pm) [edit][u][b]Deep Sin [/b][/u]
The first cut isn’t deep enough
It cuts my flesh but doesn’t bring forth blood
The next is deeper
But it does not please me
Deeper, deeper my mind tells me
And the razor obeys
It cuts deeper into my flesh
I have lost the mark now
It is drowned in blood
But I need to cut more
I don’t take the time to wash of the blood
I just continue to cut
More and more
Deeper
I have to bleed out all the misery the pain the disgust
That runs through my veins
Bright red blood trails down my hand
And finally lands on my bathroom sink
I grow dizzy
But still I must make the openings to release what is inside of me
I stop for a split second
Look down upon my mutilated arm
And think about why I am here
Why I came in here
Picked up my razorblade
And began this once more
My legs have enough scars
Showing all those days of my misery
I cut more and more into my flesh
My skin is now bright red
From both the liquid which gives me this torturous life
And the swelling as my body attempts to recover
My conciseness is nearly lost
I stand in a puddle of my own blood and flesh
Finally I am lost
Death takes over and I am gone.
what is the point of life anyways
05.08.04 (3:53 pm) [edit]you are eventually going to die,
it doesn't matter what you do while you are alive, it ain't gonna change much.
i mean yeah if you eat healthy things and take care of yourself, have protected sex, and all of that other shit. you can extand your life but you are still gonna die no matter what. that hole heaven and hell stuff might make a difference when you die, if you actually believe in that. i mean i believe in god but im not so sure of waht happens to you when you die. hey maybe its peaceful and there is no one there to bug you, or to make you feel like shit. Oh well i wont know till im dead.
What is the point of life anyways. Do you Know? cause i still havent been able to figure it out. :evil: :twisted: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: :arrow: